I don’t define myself by my failures.
I don’t define myself by my successes.
I don’t define myself by my outer beauty.
I don’t define myself by my clothes.
I don’t define myself by my stuff.
I don’t define myself by my income.
I don’t define myself by my social status.
I don’t define myself by my job.
I don’t define myself by the words that others use to describe me.
I define myself by who He says I am. All else can and will fade away.
I heard the gentle voice of the Lord in middle of the night when I was having trouble going to sleep. I was thinking about some comments that were made by friends about me at my birthday party. As kind as their words were, they are not what defines me.
For years I fell into the comparison trap. I felt as if I wasn’t really where I was supposed to be in my life because I didn’t have a husband or a family of my own. Many a friend and family member have I watched get married and have a family. This is not my story. God has had a different plan for me. It’s different than what I would have chosen for myself years ago, but yet I am satisfied with right where I am.
It has taken me awhile to get to this place of satisfaction and completion. At times I have come into what I thought was satisfaction, but then quickly fell back into the comparison trap. A few months ago, I had a breakthrough in this area. The breakthrough came out of utter and total despair about the state of being alone. Yes, no kidding. Isn’t that when breakthrough comes?! It often comes when we are the bottom emotionally and have no where else to look but up. It comes with the cry, “Only You alone, Lord can pull me out of this despair and loneliness.”
And all of this to say, I haven’t always been in this state. It’s been an up and down journey. However, this time, I believe that so much has changed in my pattern of thinking about myself, that it will be hard to go back to that lowly emotional state.
Let me tell you how and why a revelation of His love for me has pulled me out of that pit.
It’s become a season of love where I have begun to sit with Him for much longer periods of time and just BE WITH HIM. Not just be in the Word or be in prayer for others, but BE WITH HIM and allow Him to just BE the GREAT I AM to me. Sit still in His presence and fill up on His love for me. This is new to me. I’m used to worship and praise. I’m used to interceding in prayer for others, and praying in the Spirit. But just sitting and being still, and bringing nothing but my gaze is not something I’ve done much in my life, and I’ve been a Christian since I was a child. I’ve walked with Him for many years, but the depth of the relationship has become sweeter and deeper and more full of joy now. In a more real way than ever before.
I’m so in love with the One who made me and redeemed me and counsels me. What matters most of all is how He looks at me. I want to behold Him and become like the One I behold.
Jesus loves me so much that He gave up His life for me. In his eyes I see who I truly am. My heart is has become intertwined with His unfailing love and that’s why I am only defined by who He says I am. When I keep my gaze on Him, I remain in the place of satisfaction and completion no matter what I am lacking in terms of my natural life.
There’s no possible way I could explain this in human terms. This is nothing like a relationship on this earth with a human being. There’s no possible way to relate it to a relationship between two human beings. The reason why is because human beings have a sinful nature. Yes, we’ve been redeemed. However, we have a sinful nature, but when you behold yourself in the eyes of Jesus, you are beholding the perfection that is in His eyes. His love is beaming with no condemnation or guile. His love is selfless and kind, and it’s not fragile. It’s not even dependent upon our love for Him.
That’s why you have to define yourself by who He says you are. Do you understand? Do you understand that He knows the beginning from the end of your life? Do you understand that He has always known the number of hairs on your head? Do you understand that He is the light of your path? Do you understand that He knit you together in your mother’s womb and fashioned you for a specific purpose that only you can fulfill? This purpose can only be found by staying close to His heart, by listening to his voice, and looking into His eyes.
I am so grateful for the love of Jesus. Grateful is not even the right word for it. I am satisfied in Him. These man’s eyes never lie.
*Please read Eric Gilmour’s book School of His Presence. Attending His conference and reading this book has encouraged me to bring my relationship with Jesus to a deeper level than ever before.